Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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