I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
