He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
