My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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