Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
