i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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