I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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