I will die if light touches me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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