the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
