I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
