hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
