The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
