just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
