Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
