he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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