If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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