Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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