I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
