the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
