Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
