You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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