I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
