I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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