you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Drake has all the answers
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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