Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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