weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
