Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
