i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
