New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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