this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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