We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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