I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have fence marks all over my body
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
