My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
