Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
