So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
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I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.