Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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