NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground