Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.