what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.