I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
