I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
