I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Your cock deserves a montage
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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