hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
