Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
