Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
