If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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