After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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