I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
