Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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