Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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