he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
