Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
