if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
