Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
