We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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