I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
