I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
