watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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