I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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