Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
