sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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