I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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