i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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