If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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