matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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