Screwed.edu
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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