rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
