i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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