I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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