i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
