So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
where are you?
Hypothermia
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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