okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Randomize
