so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
