It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
