If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
