I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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