My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
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Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
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Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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