I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
