I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
