Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
