He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
