I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
