I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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