Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
