i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
